Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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