Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
porn star boner night. come get it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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