if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
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I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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