I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
