Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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