My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
