im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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