I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
