she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
