if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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