It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
