I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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