I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
