The maid of honor just puked.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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