I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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