It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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