I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
