It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
