he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
