Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Found the puke drawer
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
