there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
