HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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