i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
