feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
