morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
