I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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