I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
