we have pet lesbian snakes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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