You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
