I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
