You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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