I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
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Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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