He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
