i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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