Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
