absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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