Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
