Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
