You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
