Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize