i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
