So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
