I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
