You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
