who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
