He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
