i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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