Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
