I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
