i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
