Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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