I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
