Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
