You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize