They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
