Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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