Midget sex pt 2 tonight
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
