Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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