I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
