is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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